You guys, I can't even begin to explain how incredibly special you all have made me feel. I have some amazing awards I need to re-award and thank specific people for and I wanted to say a general thanks now and also that I will be passing them all along asap! So thank you and stay tuned.
(Woman of the night from yesterday's UK Red Carpet.)
I want you all to know there is a lot of buzz and reactions and reviews of Deathly Hallows now that it has been seen in the UK as of yesterday but I WILL NOT be posting anything review like. I will not be reading anyone's reactions or anything like it. I want to be fresh, with my own excitement and not tainted by anyone elses opinions when I see it. I assume a lot of you are the same so, just letting you all know not to worry. 
(Woman of the night from yesterday's UK Red Carpet.)
ON TO FREE JUNK AND STUFF!
So...I like being a puppet master and making you people dance for my dollars. I'm not ashamed to say it. I said it. Dance puppets. DANCE.
In honor of 100 followers I'm giving away stuff. It's not new concept or anything. You all knew it was coming. BUT what you didn't know was the how and the what.
As it is Friday and we must, yes I say MUST, honor the funny, this contest will be all about how funny you can be.
(The lovely Emma Watson from the RCarpet)
So, here it is folks, the rules.You must come up with the worst book idea ever. A one-liner. That's all! Now, let's see. We can't just let that be it...nope. For each one-line worst idea you comment with gets you
Let's give you an example: 15 year old Tabby Fee wakes up with an eye in her knee.
Need another bad idea? Brad can't get the girl without proving he has what it takes to fold origami cranes out of queen sized comforters.
1 more? Casey must recount her entire life as an accountant to a therapist in a 250,000 word novel comprised entirely of flashbacks in riddle form.
Does it say something negative about my writing that I can come up with some shiners there? Ah...whatever.
So. You need motivation to take on this task. Don't do something for nothing, guys. Wait. That is bad advice. Good Samaritans do stuff for nothing and we definitely need more of those...anyway! The prizes:
1st place is a $25.00 gift card to Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com(ca), or BaM (your choice)
2nd place $15.00
3rd place $10.00
4th place a pat on the head and an "atta boy"
So hop to it, my friends, for a chance to win $
This contest will conclude DECEMBER (thanks Jen!)2nd. It is open to all! (we will find a way to get $ to whomever)
There is a little learning fun for your Funny Friday!
An intriguing idea. My eyes are still adjusting to the luminiscent green on black background (I have funny eyes, you see) So let's see, I live in the UK so maybe I don't qualify for one of your fab prizes?
ReplyDeleteTazmin wakes up to find out that her wonderful life was all a dream, she hasn't go the hunky guy or the big house and lots of money and to top it all, when she looks in the mirror, yes you've guessed it, she's a muppet from Sesame Street. :O)
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ReplyDeleteGreat contest idea! I'm with Madeleine - do we UK'ers qualify?
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday!
Oh my gosh I'm so excited!!! I'll have my microsoft word all open whipping up ridiculously horrible ideas! I wanna win! I wanna win! I have a great nack for bad ideas.
ReplyDeletePS I think you mean to say you conclude the contest December 2nd... ;)
PS I so just tweeted about the awesome as well as gave you sidebar love. That totally gains me brownie points!
ReplyDeleteUmmm ...
ReplyDeleteWhen 16 year old Mary moves to a new town, every guy in school falls in love with her despite her plainness and she needs to learn how to juggle all her suitors while acting as a parent for her single dad and pursuing extreme sports like cliff jumping.
I honestly love TWILIGHT and it's a total accident that this sounds like a summary of it. Promise. I just started thinking of cliches and ... well, this was the result. I'll come back with more later.
a group of twenty somethings live in the same building in the big city live out their self absorbed, boring lives oblivious to the real world going on around them while at the same time living in a self contained fantasy world all the while living in one of the most dangerous cities in the world yet they never even see so much as a homeless person or purse snatcher.
ReplyDeleteAlright so I'm back to share some of the fun one-liners I've come up with (I hope you enjoy)! I told you there would be a lot!
ReplyDeleteWith the cupcake terrorist on the loose only one person can bring him down, Santa, it all comes down to bubble gum and the zookeepers keys, can he take him down?
Milly didn’t realize dating a pirate would be that hard until she found out his addiction to poker chips, sugar coated candies and small beanie babies.
Sam has one week to marry a girl named Sam or the fortune to his mom’s lamb farm will disappear because will requirements cannot me met, his life will not be complete without that farm.
Jason has to share his thoughts on his brother the cereal killer in this 365,000 word novel about Jason’s struggle with his brother’s obsession with cereal.
Trixy is trapped on the merry-go-round in this 428,000 word novel and can’t leave unless she answers one crucial question, what’s for dinner.
Rupert must attend an all girls school after his adoptive mother takes a possession as the headmistress in the middle of the island of Peaire where only woman reside, with Rupert out-numbered and a clear misconception of how the woman will accept him it becomes hell on earth.
Bernice hated cleaning until she unlocked a secret door underneath the kitchen sink, where there was a leaky faucet, she found weird looking pirates with big eyes, bouncing burrito stress balls and a place it rained every day, suddenly cleaning had become an adventure.
BTW - I apologize for all the misspelled words, it seems that I didn't proofread carefully enough, so if you see the wording doesn't seem right, it's because it isn't.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 100! Hooray!
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is really just random here:
Mary Q. Contrary had a garden problem. It won't grow, but when a bunch of pretty maids defy her to try to fuse with the cockle shells and overthrow the world as she knows it, will she succeed, or just end up a pile of compost?
How did I not know Ryan Reynolds was on Sesame Street?? I heart that man. A lot.
ReplyDeleteAnd HP7---SQUEEE!!!
And, okay, let's see...
Gibby dreams of becoming the first teenager to ever discover the healing powers of dirt, and spends all of her time thinking and dreaming about dirt. It's dirty fun!
That's what I came up with off the top of my head, so, um yeah. Good thing the contest is random and not judged. ;)
This is an interesting contest, Colene!
ReplyDeleteHmmm...how about
~ Mr. Darcy presents "The History of Fake Barf: Origins, Uses, and Sales" to his new colleagues at the plastic factory.
~ In this 82,000 word, soon-to-be best-seller, Timothy provides a detailed account of his efforts to master his latest Nintendo Game.
~ As the world turns against pork, Sarah and John struggle to maintain their happy lives as pig farmers.
LOL! This is a brilliant idea! I'm a new follower of your blog, since you won the blog banner design from Kristal's contest. And boy, am I glad I wandered over here! You've got some great ones already. Let's see what I can add to the poo pile.
ReplyDeleteWorst book ideas:
A swamp thing returns from his honeymoon to find his swamp drained, replaced by a strip mall.
A five-year-old cocker spaniel turns into a human when a mischievous fairy makes a bet that he can make anybody fall in love.
In Uglyville, the pageant crowns the unfairest of them all.
In a plot to dominate Earth, vampires from outerspace use mind control to seduce the valedictorians from each of the top ten colleges and universities in America.
Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I typed an idea in here (and then cut it out) that I actually decided would make a fun MG novel, so if it gets written and published, I'm totally giving you a shout out in the acknowledgements. ;)
Crap. I have to come back to actually think, lol...
ReplyDeleteNeed to think of some bad ideas... this should be pretty easy for me :) I'll stop back!
ReplyDeleteI'm not obsessed... okay so maybe I am, but I love bad one-liners.
ReplyDeleteIn this magically awful tale Piper Pooty walks along the forest of talking lilies and has to answer to the queen of forest lily after destroying all the flowers with her bad attitude, this 22,000 word novel is a quick read and Piper Pooty is wildly entertaining with her non-magical abilities.
Living underwater sucks, Lexi has been trapped in a water bubble for 16 years and is forced to live among Mermaids, even worse, go to Mer-high where the torture and laughter of her water bubble look must be mocked by everyone, high school is always mean, even underwater.
Wow, Colene, awesome contest!! I'll have to come up with some doozies. Congrats on the followers too- you've jumped up to 122! SO cool!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 100 followers!
ReplyDeleteNow for the one-liners:
Mark's only goal in life - to eat 100 worms.
Ben wants nothing more than to sleep all day.
The fate of the world rests in a small little league team who must defeat the visitng aliens or else the aliens will destroy earth.
A game of nerf football will decide once and for all who shall be the next world president of the planet Fren.
Alright something for me to think about. I'm sure I have a few of those lying around somewhere.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely FANTASTIC idea for a contest. COngrats on the follower count!
ReplyDeleteRyan Reynolds on sesame street? HAHA best thing ever.
Here's some of my ideas:
1. Beatrice died in 1716, she's been a rotting zombie ever since. She meets a beautiful boy in the 21st century and can't decide what she wants: him or his brains. But, worst of all, can he even love her and her decaying flesh?
2. Corny the caterpillar goes into metamorphosis only to turn into a moth - now he sets out on a journey across the lawn to find the evil owl and get some color in his life. No one wants to be gray forever.
3. Ben's routine filling at the dentist goes horribly awry when the freezing numbs his whole body and doesn't go away. Convinced by his friends he embarks on a series of insane, life-threatening dares and broadcasts his journey on a Youtube channel.
4. The apocalypse is coming so eleven year old Septimus decides to save his family by building an arc out of popsicle sticks. If only his mom wasn't making him eat all the popsicles first.
5. Murphy Law, a girl whose life is a series of unfortunate events, pops her rib out when she sneezes. To break the curse of her name, she has to transport her consciousness into a computer.
Cool contest! I'm going to have to think on it, but I'll be back!
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome idea!
ReplyDeleteAlso, 4th place made me very, very happy.
You wan't lame, I'll give you lame;
ReplyDeleteRichardo lives in a world full of magic, with power bubbling up in him to rule it all, but all he wants is the newest version of HALO.
Congrats on your followers :)
ReplyDeleteIn this Young Adult fiction novel, thirty-seven-year-old Bertha decides she wants to be cool like her friends so she starts to hang out with the cool cheerleeders only she's pretending to like them and she doesn't really like them and one day she realizes how sad she really is so she quits school and goes to work in a grocery store where she meets a cute guy but she doesn't know what to do with him so she ends up alone and rather bored.
:)
Rach
Hi Colene - new to your blog, thanks to Abby over at Above Water. :) Congrats on all the new followers and what a FUN contest idea!! I had to quickly scroll to the bottom to comment before I read everyone else's ideas. Here's a few of my own:
ReplyDeleteA 134,000 word novel about 100 pairs of feet around the country and what they've stepped in now.
Bored housewife, Minerva Meet, watches too many straight hours of Star Trek: The Next Generation and eventually finds she can channel into the show and starts an illicit affair with Worf.
Two sixteen-year olds travel the Globe to convice the world that Red is the new Pink.
It's a start... :) Hope I win!! Thanks!
What a great idea for a contest. Lots of funny entries, guys! I'll throw a few into the ring:
ReplyDeleteHarry Halloway lands himself the career of a lifetime - waxing floors at the Trump Tower Chicago - and learns the true meaning of life from the guy who cleans the ash receptacles.
Margery Mammot is on a quest - a quest to eat a hundred brownies!
Ashley Appleton learns she has every super power that she could ever dream of. Can she take down the evil state lottery and finally eradicate her addiction to scratch tickets?
H. M. Erwhal presents "101 Exciting Uses for Belly Button Lint".
You haven't lived until you enter the world of Beatrice Bennington. I Dream of Envelopes is a moving memoir of her years as a mail clerk and the struggles against paper cuts and improperly sorted mail. This gripping look at the post office will have you turning pages into the wee hours of the morning as you follow the life of this esteemed American hero.
Watching paint dry was the highlight of Gordon Beansfield's weekend. But what would happen if the paint refused to dry? Enter a world of waiting, where the true mystery is the answer to the pivotal question, will it ever end?
Ooh.. very fun contest!! My brain is dead at the moment, I've been writing like crazy. I'm afraid absolutely nothing I'll provide right now will make sense :)
ReplyDeleteDid that sentence even make sense? Sigh.. I need sleep.
Ok .. this sounds like fun, but I am going to have to book mark and come back! lol
ReplyDeleteA clumsy girl can never do anything right is in love with her best friend's boyfriend who happens to a vampire, but her best guy friend who is a werewolf is in love with her and he happens to be gorgeous and popular who is trying to go out with her because of a bet. :)
ReplyDeleteMrs Weatherby's day consists of spying on her neighbours over the garden fence and peeking behind her trusty sitting room curtains. Come and see for yourself in this astounding novel from debut author I. S. Boring.
ReplyDeleteLaney hates herself- but not as much as she hates the world.
Pippi stinks of B.O. Here's her story on how she tackles it!
Reading classics is Suzy's passion- join her on her adventureous journey as she reads and summarizes her favorite passages from War and Peace, Wuthering Heights and The Lord of The Rings!
ReplyDelete(followed link from over at Abby's - hello!)
ReplyDeleteForced with the decision to either eat four pounds of cheese or be killed by a madman, sixteen-year-old Billy will thrill you with details of every excruciating bite and, ultimately, his story of perserverence.
Four-year-old Sally plays with a box for fourteen hours straight in pursuit of the World's Record - read her mom's 125,289 word journal entry about it and be prepared to laugh your face off!
Junior rides an elevator for eight hours every day for eleven years before his boss figures out he doesn't actually do any work and stops payment on his payroll check in this thrilling book, Up and Down.
erica
What the heck, I'll hop in here as the clock is chiming midnight. bong...bong...
ReplyDeleteJerrold Drabner, CPA, has discovered the secrets of seduction hiding in the IRS tax code and he'll lead you through it, line by bureauocratic line, in the Deduction Seduction.
Cody Coyote was king of Springfiled High with his BWM convertible, basketball prowess, and hot cheerleader girlfriend, until severe acne attacked, sending him into a downward spiral of bumps, pus and broken dreams.
Fun contest.
ReplyDeleteWhen carrots start a murderous rampage, vegetarian Sarah must team up with her worst enemy to save the world -- a team of ninja cows.
Am I crazy if I think some of these idea are actually kind of good?
ReplyDelete#1 - Penguins use their adorability in a plot to take over the world, enslave humans, and steal our tuna. Our precious, precious tuna.
#2 - Man invents time machine to stop the Nazis, but discovers he can only travel five minutes into the past each time. Hilarity ensues.
#3 - Woman overhears her co-workers plotting to take down their entire company through the clever use of salad forks.
#4 - Man tries to reunite with his lost love by eating all her favorite foods for a year in the hopes of one day running into her at the grocery store.
#5 - When the cheerleaders in her high school start speaking only in binary code, our teenaged protagonist suspects that they've all been replaced by robots. Turns out they had just decided words weren't cool anymore.
#6 - In a world without numbers, a woman is kidnapped and forced to describe her enormous shoe collection to her captors.
Oops ... I said I'd bookmark and come back and I almost missed it! Now I have to try and remember all the ideas that came to me as I drove along!
ReplyDelete1. The autobiography of an emulsion paint tester.
2. The Klingon Culture - an expose. (written in Klingon for authenticity of course)
3. Bacteria I have known. All the details.
4. On the morning of retirement day an accountant wakes to find he is still young and it is actually his first day. He reviews his boring, safe life and decides it wasn't too bad.
5. A rip-roaring rollicking tale of adventure on the high seas told from the perspective of a piece of driftwood.
6. Take a best seller, change the names and re-write the ending ... easiest fortune ever made!
7. 100,000 words on punctuation without punctuation.
I'd better stop there ... I could keep going all night, and they wouldn't get any better!
:Dom
P.S. Colene, Your description of JK as the "woman of the night" ... err ... well .... over here it has certain connotations!
ReplyDeleteDominic, I know what I said...;) Okay...I knew but didn't consider it that way when I wrote it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the entries!
Thanks for entering everybody! This has been so freaking funny!!
8 hours left!