This Is Not One Of Those Posts

Ehem . . . *shuffles in*  

Hi!

Remember me? Anyone? I'm surprised I have any followers left! But, I'm glad you're all here and I missed you and all the blogs and all the things so very much.

It's a new year (had you heard?) and I figure, since I don't make resolutions because it's just setting myself up to forget and then feel guilty when I finally remember, why not just kick my ass into coming back to blogging? WAY easier than trying to remember to not say "shit" or to drink 12 glasses of water or some shit. (would have failed miserably already. Shit.) Because, this I enjoy. I hope you all believe me when I say I missed you guys.

Reconnected with a few bloggers via twitter this past year, which was neat! FINALLY got into Twitter. It took a while, but now I check it just as often as FB and stay on it longer than FB (we all know why...). So if I haven't found you yet, come find me!

Let's see . . . Hadn't blogged in forever . . . Oh, I remember one of the last posts. Was a downer post about how I was going to blog anyway, even if I was being a downer, right? Maybe . . . either way, that post exists and I'm tempted to take it down because that was a lie. *Raises hand* I admit it. I did not follow through at all, and I am ashamed. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, guys!

But this year is different. This year I will. Because, whether or not I have good news to bring to the blogging table, some things are important to share. Like being a downer. And why. I always said I wasn't going to post about querying, which is mostly why 2012 was so quiet around here. But I'd like to share that with you now, if I may. If you don't want to read it, I won't love you any less.

I started querying in March 2012. PUMPED, people. SERIOUSLY pumped. This was the book. This was it. 2012 was my year! (I have a thing about even numbered years and 2012? Super even. Please ignore the fact that every other year in the 2000 is super even, okay?)

So I queried. Tested the waters. Sent out a couple to gauge response. Things were going along. A tweak here, a snip there. Queried some more. Then got requests! Hazzah! A couple, but lets be honest, the first time an agent says "sent me a full" you start picturing yourself signing books in Barnes and Noble to a massive crowd.

Then I got the first no on the full with no explanation. That's okay, right? I still have another full out and it's early in the game and all isn't lost! Then a second no with no explanation came not too long after. Cue the whu-whu-whu-why sobs.

But, I have amazing crit partners who know how to lift spirits. I dusted off, they helped me up, and got back to it. People, lemme tell you, It was not pretty. To sum up the rest of the year, until late late 2012 you could hear crickets over my MS.

The query was changed (big changes) maybe four times. I lost faith in this book. I lost hope in myself. Every other day I wondered if I should just quit. Then the next day I'd laugh...and laugh and laugh...because that wasn't happening. Not write anymore? Seriously? Instead of writing when I normally do I'd be...doing...what? What is there besides writing? I couldn't tell ya. So, dejected or not, I queried on. I started a fourth book. Moped.

It wasn't until someone said "okay, but give me and R&R" that I got back the love for this again. If I'm being honest, I'd lost the love. It happens. But with the R&R, I looked again at my book, THE book that was supposed to be the one, and went "Huh . . . yup . . . those are excellent points. And not small points either . . ." When shown to me, I thought I saw maybe the reason I'd been doing so poorly. Made total sense! It was an epic *facepalm* moment where I wanted to go back to all those agents from the beginning and apologize and say "try again, give me another go, because I get it now!" But, we don't have that luxury, unfortunately.

So, I stopped querying. I threw myself into the edits. I asked for help, got one of my fabulous critters to go over it again and BOY DID SHE EVER. Pumped, this was it (again). These changes were going to do it. The R&R was going to be big stuff, guys.

And then, half-way through editing, that particular person quit the industry. It was like all the hope I'd regained shattered around me. (melodramatic anyone)

I was angry for a couple days, I admit. There was no word to me, no apology, nothing. I felt, in those two days, I was owed one. On the third day I fully realized that no, I wasn't. And that maybe it wasn't the end of the world. I got very valuable insight into why the book wasn't working, I was making it better, and perhaps, though that door had been slammed shut in my face, it could be for the best. Everything happens for a reason, I believe that. So why was I having a hard time accepting it in this instance?

Bruised ego pushed aside, I finished the edits in time for another full to be sent. And this is where I am in 2013. At first, I thought I was no where different than I was in March of 2012. I've had a few pep-talks about it and because of them, I can't really believe that.

The biggest thing I learn last year was that it takes others to show us what we don't see. You can stare all you like, but if your thinking isn't challenged, you'll never see it any differently.

I'm still not agented, but I am still a writer. I am still querying. I'm not even half as pumped this year as I start querying again, but whatever. And I won't be giving up anytime soon.

Also, I lost another Goodreads Challenge, dangit! *shrug* Aim lower, that's my new motto. (mostly kidding)


How was your 2012? Anything new I may not know? Share! Share! I would love to hear about it!

Happy Monday! Welcome back!