Thursday, May 3, 2012

Check Out My Thing : The Writers Voice Entry #171

So, there is this thing by these bloggers that I'm sure every writer and their mamma must know about. And these bloggers are hosting the thing. They're calling it The Writers Voice. Go HERE and check it out to know more.

OMG! It was so crazy getting in there! I was so nervous! Man, that widget filled up like they were giving away cash. But, right now, as someone deep in the query trenches, this is better than cash. Just my opinion. ANYWAY!

This is my entry! Wish me luck. And good luck to all my bloggy peeps who got in too! I saw a bunch!!

CALLING DEATH
YA Paranormal
64,000 words

Query:

Sixteen-year-old Damaris may have the power to steal human souls, but she isn't happy about it. A direct descendant of Death, Damaris doesn't share her parents' beliefs that her kind, Ankou, are inherently evil. Or that the only way they can gain access to Heaven is by killing humans and stealing their souls. Worse, she's been shipped off to boarding school because of her rebellion, leaving her younger sister, Genie, alone under her parents' murderous influence.

But over summer break, Damaris has a chance to show Genie another way of life, put an end to all the senseless deaths, and, hopefully, start a chain reaction to change the rest of her kind. Her parents have other ideas, however. If Damaris doesn’t make a kill, they’ll disown her. Of course, that’s if somebody doesn’t get to Damaris and her family first.

Someone is stalking Damaris, car and mail bombs popping up at every turn. If she isn't able to find out his or her identity soon, more than Genie's future will be lost, and escaping back to boarding school will no longer be an option. With everything falling in around her, Damaris must decide: go against everything she believes about the value of life and use her powers to save her sister, or admit defeat and let her deadly heritage carry on. Seems the life of a daughter of Death has just gotten way more complicated

First 250 words:


Someone is watching me. I feel it the moment their eyes hit me.
The desire to murder my sister is currently threatening the mission home from boarding school that is meant to save her when it happens. But, luckily for her, the unknown threat has distracted me for the moment.
I squeeze my eyes shut, count to five while holding my breath, and all I get is a head rush and those stupid white spots flickering in my vision – not frustration relief. Neither problem has been willed away.
Genevieve squeals down the hallway again, dragging something heavy and loud across my locked bedroom door as I wonder how she spent her time while I was across the ocean. A good 80% of her day is now spent finding new ways – or hell, sticking with what works – to annoy me.
I move nearer the window and peer out at the back yard. No one lurking in trees or behind bushes that I can see. I don't know what to do about this at the moment, so I move away from the window and focus on the other problem.
I can hear Genie gearing up for another lap down the hall. The heavy object switches hands with a bang from the starting side and thump to the opposite side. She winds up and is off again. Only this time I flip the lock, fling my door open, and attempt to catch the thing. My father's golf club smacks me in the gut as Genie explodes with laughter.
Dangit. Walked right into her perpetually sticky hands.



Also, Happy MAY! I'm back again. More later.

36 comments:

  1. Good luck, Colene! (you have a couple typos, hope they only show up here - sometimes cut-and-paste will do that!)
    erica

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  2. Interesting premise. Best of luck in the contest!

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  3. I considered entering, but my query wasn't ready. Your premise sounds interesting. Good luck with the contest.

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  4. Love, love, love! So glad that you got in!! Good luck!

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  5. Great premise! And I love the name Genie :D

    Good luck!!

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  6. Best of luck!! Your story sounds right up my alley! If you ever need an extra set of eyes, I'm yours. These are the types of stories I write.

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  7. Awesome entry, Colene. Good luck!

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  8. Good luck! This is a great entry!

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  9. Super fun premise and I enjoyed reading your entry! Good luck, Colene!!!

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  10. Congrats on sliding in under the widget wire :-D Love your premise and the depth it has, best of luck to you!

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  11. Sounds like such a tense, awesome read! I love the voice (and Genie) already! Great job!

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  12. Daughter of Death! Wow! Good luck! :)

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  13. This sounds awesome! Good luck with the contest!

    Kelsey -#186

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  14. Good luck, love Death in a story always! -April, #61

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  15. My comment is gone! Weird. Anywho, love it as always, crit-partner-of-mine! I get to brag that I've read the whole thing already ;p

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  16. I love the opening - it grabbed my attention immediately - how on earth can you be a direct descendant of death? Or maybe its not on earth - but somewhere deep beneath it? Good luck.!

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  17. Damaris sounds like an interesting character. I would like to read more about what happens to her. Good luck in the contest!

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  18. Enjoyed reading your entry, and I love the name Damaris! Best of luck :-)

    Ashley #78

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  19. Wow, this sounds awesome! I would totally pick it up and read it! Good luck to you!!! :D

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  20. I guess I am neither "every writer" nor "their mamma" 'cause I totally missed this Writers Voice thing! And that seems like an intriguing and well-written query. Well done!

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  21. COLE! You made the list?!?! Congrats! I've never seen a linky list fill up so fast in all my years of blogging. So this is very exciting.

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  22. Love the premise!!

    Good luck in the contest!

    Summer - #40

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  23. Interesting premise! Good luck from #70!

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  24. Give me a sister yarn with fantastical elements and I'm a total sucker. Good luck!

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  25. ooo--great tension!!! I beet you do awesome. Keep us posted, and GOOD LUCK!!! :o) <3

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  26. Great query and excerpt!! I love the premise - lots of promise here. Good luck!

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  27. She wouldn't be able to steal my soul because Dorian and I gave our souls to the Devil. Mwuhahahaah. Very scary.

    Good luck with your entry >:)

    Cold As Heaven

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  28. Oo, a descendant of Death. Nice! :) Good luck!

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  29. Very cool! Good luck. Nice excerpt too!

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  30. I really like this one!! Good luck!

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  31. Ack, I'm late to the party, but great job here, Colene! Loved both the query and the excerpt. Seriously good stuff.

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  32. wow that sounds really interesting! i actually tilted my head to the side like a dog when i was reading your query blurb LOL.

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  33. Okay, the first line of your query completely sucked me in. Great job. I just found your blog - look forward to following :)

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  34. Wonderful! It's so fun to see your writing. I don't know how the Writer's Voice thingy all turned out. I caught glimpses of it on Twitter. I haven't been around the blogosphere much. Hope you had a great experience with it! Congrats to you! christy

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