Monday is here and i have mixed feelings about the old chap. Monday is much like an ex-boyfriend. some days i dont mind him, some days i just want him to go away and forget he exists. today, we're in that okay place.
I have quite a bit of editing to do on, we'll call it Novel 1 just to end a little confusion. Novel B is going to be put on hold until 1 is done for a while. i spend a lot of my free time pondering on B though. i have much to add to make it more personal and relevant which im excited about but its going to have to wait.
im so excited to finish the editing on 1. when its done im supposed to read it for my critique group, which i am horribly nervous about. they are very very picky about certain things, which could drive a writer mad but it all takes practice to learn to do it right i suppose.
i couldnt be more sure of wanting to do this the rest of my life. i love it. love creating, its so much fun. its work, dont ever be confused about that. it takes a lot of work and dedication and sacrifice to get it done. for me, its very hard to sacrifice my Criminal Minds marathons and naps over the weekends to do it, which i have been slacking on lately but i get punished for it. one day ill have strict deadlines to meet and cant slack off so, i just tell myself im getting in all the lazy now before then.
but seriously, if you dont push yourself to work when all you want to do is eat sour cream and cheddar chips and goof off with your husband then you suffer. for me, its not getting done and getting out there which is a huge price but sometimes i procrastinate out of fear.
i can admit im afraid to go farther than i am. what if i suck to everyone else? what if its not even close to being good enough yet for anything? what if its a jumble of crap that only makes sense to myself?
i have been reading a lot of articles about such self doubt though and am feeling a little better. everything i have read says that stopping those voices of doubt are impossible, pretty much, but learning to tune them out or have a voice that tells you not to worry that can drown out those other negative voices is key. if its something you truly want, truly love, then how can you let stupid things like your own self doubt stop you?
having someone believe in you is important too. my mom has never read anything i have written but she will be the first to tell anyone i can do it. my husband sees the work i do, though he has read none either, and asks me when im getting my big break. my best friend patiently wades through my drafts to read for me and says she loves everything. those 3 are my cheerleaders. and while i cant trust their biased judgment, i trust that they love me enough to keep me from making a fool of myself and telling me gently that i suck, should i. so my mom is going to read for me for the first time when im done editing and while its being critiqued. im just as nervous about her as i am the experienced writing group...
its hard to be judged by people. its hard to learn to take criticism without getting your feelings hurt. but what i have learned is that its not personal. your work may come from your heart. you love it like a child. but when its being ripped apart its for both your own good. if you cant get a novel passed your first reader how are you ever going to get it to an agent or publisher or even passed paying readers? if my books arent up to snuff with the line of those who read for me how can i expect to get it in shape for the critique group? if i cant get their thumbs up how can i expect to get signed? so never take it personally. if you want to get anywhere you have to be open to taking a little beating.
and if you are so good that you never get any beating from any reader. get out. ^_- this is for those of us who are not perfect.
have faith and trust that if you want to do it, love to do it, and dream of nothing else, then its worth the dirt in your face for it.
A mommy duck and one little baby crossed the road in front of me today. is that good luck? well lets just say it is. Happy Monday.