Writery Wednesday Where You Find Me In HELL

Yes. I am in hell. 

Today, I'm sorry to remind you(myself) that this blogs' purpose was initially all about documentation and for helping others who find themselves with the same problems know they are not alone.

Now, I enjoy entertaining more than I enjoy blabbling about the same ol crap that has me down(or up) about my MS. But, quite honestly, I'm feeling guilty for abusing Abby as my go-to-email-crit-partner-bitch-buddy. (I'm the bitcher, obviously not Abby)  And now must abuse you. As it is Writery Wednesday, I want to open up about my writing a bit and where I am in the process.

I'm in the midst of revisions on a novel I don't believe in as it stands. It is hell to me. The part of hell that you only hear about happening but don't ever believe that could happen to you. I hate my novel. I have been working on it for over a year and I have this pain in my chest that is trying to make me believe that all that work was for nothing.

But I can't believe that. I have had some of the best eyes I know on it, probing it, helping to make it shine. And I know how to write, dammit. I am a good writer. I didn't start out that way and by no delusional dream do I believe that this novel is well written through and through. I know there is work to be done. And I know I can make it awesome. It just took me a while to learn how.

I'm still learning every day but, I just want to say that I'm finding my love for this story again. This time last week it was gone and I was ready to abandon ship for a new shiny idea. But, being snowed in and running out of distractions made me face my beast. And I am finding the love again.

Thanks to Writers Knowledge Base I have also found that this is a common thing among writers. We love it, we hate it, we love it, we hate it. It's a freaking WiP yo-yo. It's exhausting. And I think I could have been done with my revisions by now if I wasn't on the downer part of my yo-yo trip. But I am holding on to hope that the fire will return, my passion for this one will be reignited, and my novel will be great! Dammit...How hot is that guy? I mean, yea you can't see his face but...umm...what is the problem?  ANYWAY

So, when do you love it again?

Well, no search engine in the world could tell you that. It just happens. You find something about it you loved and realize that you still love the whole thing. You wrote it for a reason, you loved it for a reason in the first place. And the reason is still there, it never left. Your MS is loyally waiting for you to love it again, too. It's you(me) that has the problem. Not the MS.

SUBJECT CHANGE!

Yesterday I wasn't able to make my usual rounds. I do sincerely apologize to everyone!! But it was a beautiful snow day. I slept in a little, snacked a bit, revised a bit more, let the 5 kitties explore the snow(that was seriously a very short bit..they thought it was pretty evil after...5 minutes...when they realized the white fluffy was actually cold and wet), did a bunch of laundry, and changed up my hair a bit.


Tomorrow I will probably be snowed in again (my vacation days are pretty low now...) but without laundry (praying the cat doesn't piss on my bed again...thank goodness for thick blankets or he would be a homeless boy if he ruined my barely 6 month old mattress!) and hair, I can work harder on my novel and see you all!

In other news, the amazing blogger Donna Weaver @ Weaving a Tale or Two presented me among several awesomes to receive The Versatile Blogger Award! Thanks so much Donna! (duties have been done to this one.)
 
Happy Wednesday! Set a fire!

Libraries, Laptops, and other scary things.

Hey, guess what rancid banana smacked me in the face today... C.E. Murphy (my recently chosen pen name) is already an Alaskan fantasy author. *facepalmx10* Suckage. So, for heaven-sakes, just call me Colene then.

I'm having a small identity crisis because of this. Do I post my pen last name? Do I just got by Colene for now on my blog? Is it more professional to use both names on a blog? Does it really matter right now?  Ugh. Could be worse I suppose.

Something awesome is a Random House Writing Contest for YA that could win you a publishing deal. Deadline is in late December, so check that stuff out quickly! Almost didn't want to mention it risk spreading the word any farther!

In my town, our library is amazing! It has a coffee shop, an excellent internet lounge-y area, lots of rooms for private study/reading, a HUGE audio section, massive genealogy section(don't ask why I love this section of records and the long gone but I do), tons and tons and tons of books that make the whole building smell like heaven, its own several story parking garage, and a million stairs! It's YA section is a tad small, disappointingly enough, but being in the center of a university, I'll forgive them of that. I likes to buy my YA anyway :)

Something someone told me when I started writing was good, no, GREAT advice from Stephen King: "Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule."

I take it to heart. Even if I do use the thesaurus, its usually to find a word I can't remember. My brain likes to have a lot of brain-farts when I'm writing and I can't recall a simple word everyone knows. Like "parking garage" up there, I had to ask the hubs what those "big car lot thingys that are everywhere down town that you drive up the ramps to park in" were. I got an "is she serious?" look. Oh well. Anyway:

Am I a walking spelling-bee-bot? Heck no. Do I know super smart words? Obviously not, being the gal that makes up words on a daily basis (usually ending in -y). But, whatever, that's who I am, that's my own voice. And if you can talk like an almighty smarty pants, more power to you. And your writing will be more natural and easier than mine will if I try to sound like one.

Embrace you. That's my advice. And the smartest thing I have been told and the smartest advice I could ever pass on. One day I'll be an AUTHOR and maybe people will take my advice seriously. Hopefully by then I'll have more worth passing on than just the one bit. I mean, besides: "close your mouth when you use hairspray" but that's good advice too.

Other great Stephen Kingy advice can be found HERE.

Laptop and I aren't in a great place lately. Maybe cause I haven't chosen a better name than "Laptop"?

Laptop refused to let me log into Windows the other day. I have my eye on him. I almost screamed when he kept telling me I was typing in the wrong password. Which, I swear I wasn't. All I could think was "I haven't backed ANYTHING up on my memory card thingy(see. wth is that thing called!?) in a month!" Two new book ideas. A months worth of edits. ALL GONE! ...*stink eyes Laptop*


OH! No, that is the best advice I can offer anyone. Back Up Yo Sh*t.

Luckily Laptop has been behaving since then.

HERE you'll find what all the most highly paid authors have in common. Interesting stuff there.

HERE are 5 questions every book proposal must answer.

HERE are 11 Questions  for crafting your pitch by Rachelle Gardner(Literary Agent)


Don't Forget to get an entry into my Freedom Contest going on right now and win your own copy of SPEAK HERE!

See ya!

When are you a writer?

This week I have been reaping the benefits of The Blog Trifecta, that is bloggers Jennifer Daiker, Elana Johnson, and Alex Cavanaugh. They have been offering up amazingly useful advice on getting your blog up and at 'em! Suggest checking into what they have to say and taking it from me that it works! All of it!

What I have been curious about for a very long time(since I fell in love with writing actually) is: When can I start calling myself a writer?

When I joined my critique group they wanted my info to put on the website but I wrote an email back asking that I not be represented at all. I remember, 2 years-ish ago, that my reason was because I didn't want to jinx myself.

I thought if I was put on that website, declared myself a writer for all to see, I would fail. I have a firm belief that when I put my intentions for my life out there before I get an anchor in the wet ocean bottom of my feelings, I will always let people down. I will never finish and people will say "we knew she wouldn't/couldn't do it" and I will be a public failure.

But if I kept it to myself and I failed I wouldn't disappoint(or confirm my lack of talent) to anyone.

My mother tells me I have confidence issues, that I'm better than I think. Maybe. Maybe that's just mom talk though.

Either way I decided I wasn't going to consider myself a writer until I was recognized by someone else as such. And by that I mean someone with a check in their hand with my name on it.

It took me ages just to make a blog for myself. And almost as long to describe myself as a YA writer. It feels like I might as well hop on top of a building and declare myself a superhero and try to fly.

I still don't know if that's right or wrong of me to feel that way. But I do wonder what other people think.


And just because I promised it a long time ago, my portrait of Matthew Gray Gubler:

For anyone who has been keeping up, I LOVE The Hunger Games Trilogy. Found a great poll(if you have read the last one as spoilers abound) HERE on the Adventures In Children's Publishing blog. (spell check is telling me "Children's" is spelled wrong. LIES.)


And last link for the post: I have linked her before but shes worth mentioning again.This Chick debuts her first novel, Across the Universe, in January! On her blog you'll find links to a couple contests to win a copy. Also she has the first chapter posted for all to adore.

So, being a relatively new blogger I have a stupid question: what is ARC? And how are books that haven't come out yet being recommended to me to read? What am I missing here, cause it seems big and really really good.

Stop back Friday for some fun and a chance to win something that rhymes with Schplook.

Happy Wednesday!

Things you learn on Youtube

It's been a long while since I last posted anything and there is a reason. Been busy. Suck on that nosy.
But no, I have been working hard on my novel and counting down the month until I can start reworking my second, nothing to do with the first, novel.

Got down for a while there about whether or not anyone would want to read the dribble I turned into a book but talking with some graciously wonderful, would have quit ages ago without them, authors. They say this is normal. And rather than offering a pill to kill my inner a*hole voice that is SUCH a downer, they say the only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Get some feedback, that will most likely (unless you really do suck) reinforce the other voices in your head.

I say "voices" because, and it might just be because I'm a freak but, I have more than one that likes to be heard when I'm writing, editing, or just milling over what to do next. I only have the one nasty little jerk voice who tells me i suck and no one wants to read my crap. Which, could be very true as far as the publishing world is concerned. There is no guarantee you have worked so long and hard over the next New York Times Bestseller. BUT how will you ever know if you give up? That is another voice of mine. I like that one. :)

So I have been busy busy busy with my 5th edit which will be it before I hand it over to another author friend and my DUN DUN DUUUUUUN mother.

Mom is and has always been my toughest critic. I used to not ask her for any input b/c i didn't want to hear where i had gone wrong or what could make it better but that was with my drawings. And, to me, that is a different kind of talent all together. And not one i want to hear criticism on at all. Which is why I am not, never will be, and never want to be a professional artist. I do that for fun, stress relief, etc. Not to be judged.

BUT as far as writing is concerned, how can i ever get my novel passed an agent if my mom can't even get through it? So she is the next in line to hammer it out.

And I am a firm believer in polishing the CRAP out of my first novel before I query ANYONE (as hard as it is to not...)

I won't get another first impression on the industry. This novel will be the first novel of mine an agent, editor, publisher, and then the public will (fingers crossed) ever see with my name on it. I don't want it to be OKAY or worse, HORRIBLE. Who would ever read anything of mine again if my break out novel was either one? I sure don't waste my $$$ on OKAY writers. (haha...yea right) but you know what I mean.
Don't you want your first thing out with your name on it to be the best it possibly can?

dang I hate when I publish this thing while I'm in mid thought. My pinky is ENTER happy today.

So long absence and post to say I love youtube.com LOVE LOVE LOVE. You can learn ANYTHING on youtube. Today, on my lunch break, I'm going to watch last nights Trueblood (love that too) and attempt to trim my own hair thanks to youtube. Here's hoping i don't eff it up!

Toodles.

Gettin' Down, Business Style

This gal,http://bethrevis.blogspot.com/2010/07/from-this-side-of-fence.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+WritingItOut+%28writing+it+out%29, I haven't actually read her book yet, I'm sorry to say, BUT i love her blog. Shes so funny and so real. As I was reading her recent post today what stuck out at me was this: "And it worked. (I mean, not at first. I got rejected at first. A lot. But that was because my book sucked, not because of my query letter.)"

She SUCKED? no way! i couldn't believe that even based on her blogging skills. But then again, I suck a lot myself. I feel I have value in my story telling skills and imagination for a story but my GOSH does my grammar and knowledge of how to construct a good sentence SUCK. I have a bad habit of writing fluffy sentences cause they sound intense in my head and pretty but then someone else reads it and they don't read it the same way I intended it to sound so it makes no sense that way. which makes me laugh more than brings me down when i have to try and make sense of it later when my reader asks "wth mate?" and I have to re-read the whole page just to figure out what i meant. But all that blather to say, its nice to know I'm not to only one out there that has this fluffy problem. and its nice to know someone else out there knew as little as i did when they started out.

my advice for today is to become a ghost, so to speak, of blogs. Writers blogs, editors blogs, agent blogs, etc. any blog that has any legit value to the whole writing deal-y, Haunt them. you don't have to be an invisible ghost like I am most of the time but haunt their every word non-the-less. I spend half my day (that I'm supposed to be editing my book...ehem) on reading up on all the how-to's, advice from people who know, and, my favorite, WritersDigest.com and have learned so much valuable information off them, I cant even begin to express it.

This weekend was a wash for me with writing. My husband and I took a much needed vacation to a pretty good amusement park. He almost got mugged outside the hotel (that was an interesting and scary few minutes lemme tell ya) We ate some amazing food, laughed and played around like big kids, and had much fun. We wont be going back there again just b/c it wasnt THAT great a park and stuff but we made the best of the whole weekend anyway.

so all that to say, I did NOTHING on any book. Though I did, finally, figure out the proper way to -- in a book. So now I have to go back and fix all the-- (there is a difference. I promise) but i learned that from reading! reading is the best way to learn! I know I have been told before how to -- but, obviously, forgot or didn't properly learn at that time.

Happy Monday! I'm bruised, sunburned, and my shoes smell like cat pee which i didn't notice until 2 hours into work. only 8 more hours in pee smelling flats to go...>_> but I can't even say I'm too upset about it. Can't let little things get ya down. Gonna rub my shoes down with lotion and hope no one gets to close to me to notice.

I recommend adding WritersDigest on your twitter if you want some GREAT updates everyday on good things to read. They have articles and blogs for everything you could ever want!

Who's your daily blog haunt?

Just the start. sort of. okay thats a lie...

In the wide wide world of Blogs i have managed to keep my nose out of writing in them, simply because with all that's out there i feel i have nothing relevant to add. I also feel that some people should acknowledge that in themselves and pipe down on the blogging but hey, who am i?

I have decided to end my silence, not because i have found something to say really, but because i wanted to document my own journey into the writing world somewhere. And maybe be a help to someone else starting out. Maybe.

Its a lie because i started writing over a year ago. i have finished 2 books and am in the first draft of a third. Now the first book i wrote will never see the light of day. One person has ever read it and shes so sweet and loving i dont trust her judgment too much on its sellability. its crap. i know it.

But it was a jumping off point and though i know its crap i learned a lot of valuable information from my dribbling drabble of a book. So if you are there, with your first book and you look at it one day (when youre finished b/c lets face it, at some point we all hate our work) and you say to yourself: "self. you wrote some grade a crap there." dont be discouraged. its normal.

What you do then is ask yourself if your crap can be made amazing. if its a story thats been there done that then chances are no, you cant. but if you start off (like i have not) being a fantastic writer with an amazing story to tell then hell,
get off my blog
good for you! if not, then take the first try and get your lessons from it and move on.

Today im going to try and pump out a few thousand words but honestly, thats going to be a stretch. As a matter of fact im having a hard time getting this done.

I have a semi-full-time job as well as writing. i do have the luxury of being able to work and write at the same time but its just a bother when i have to stop suddenly to take care of the job. its hard to stop and start the creative process/ train of thought at random. but my easy going job has blessed me with two completed books (one failure) and one almost done in its first draft. so cant complain.

and if anyone wants to bitch about my typos, lack of capitalization, grammatical errors take it to someone who cares. as a writer you are constantly in a tizzy about those things. on my blog, im not.

Now i say i have completed 2 books but truthfully the second is being edited right now by a dear friend, writer, and master of all things grammatical. shes doing me a huge favor sludging through my stuff to help me make it great. for that i owe her infinite coffees. so that is advice #2. get friends who know what the heck they're doing.

Im leaving with a question: Do you think its better to outline a book before you even start with its beginning, conflict, dark moment, the light moment, and the ending or just dig in without knowing much of anything?

Off to go do some actual work and some fun work.